Tick Tock...

Time is never on our side. No matter what we do it slips away from us and before you know it little remains. 2 years ago my dog was diagnosed with a form of canine lymphoma. There is no real treatment. My vet, a very competent and kind man told me that based on his lab results my dog had about 2 weeks to live. It was a terrible few weeks, but in the end he persevered. It has no been 2 years, and it seems that time has finally caught up with him. He has stopped eating, stopped taking walks with me, stopped taking his meds, he just lays around, looking miserable. We are taking him into the vet tomorrow night, and I'm afraid that he will come to the same conclusion we have, that it is time to let him go.

I'm very conflicted about this. While I hate to have to put him down, in the end I know it is best for all of us. He has been a great companion, but has cost me a great deal (most notably my financial stability and emotional exhaustion), so I can't say that in the end it won't be a relief. I've never given so much to one animal. Even without lifesaving treatments, he has cost me over $400 a month in dog walker fees, food and medical expenses, as well as all of the blood work we have had to do to stabilize his meds. I have given up my vacations for the last 2 years, as well as made many other adjustments to my lifestyle so he could be comfortable. Is it wrong to want to see all of this end?

I look in my heart and know that I should feel no guilt for wanting to see him pass on comfortably, to not want him to suffer needlessly, but it still hurts and I still feel bad for wanting this all to finally be over...